-Ceisiwr Serith

Mother of All, Father of All:
as I go through the day,
keep my eyes open wide.
May I not miss beauty.
May I not miss joy.
May I not miss wonder.
Keep me awake and aware of the world. 

Prayer for Kindness

-Bahá’u’lláh

Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. Be a lamp unto those who walk in darkness, and a home to the stranger. Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring. Be a breath of life to the body of humankind, a dew to the soil of the human heart, and a fruit upon the tree of humility.

Let Us Rise Up and Be Thankful

- Buddha

Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn’t learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little,
and if we didn’t learn a little,
at least we didn’t get sick,
and if we got sick,
at least we didn’t die;
so let us all be thankful.

I was corresponding with someone via email about church recently, and it got me thinking about WHY I want to go. First off, I will say that in the very near future I plan on getting myself to Victoria monthly so that I can take part in the service at Regina Coeli. I have been looking for a place close to home where I can find a bit of added  ’contact’ with my fellow humans. Here is my end of the email, posted here because I thought that it would be easier… and with two very active little ones constantly into everything, EASY is the word of the day.

“As a mother of five, and with no friends in this city I have moved to, I really needed an actual physical connection with people other than my poor husband whom I confide everything too, just as I would a girlfriend/bestfriend… I ramble away to him from the moment he walks in the door from work until the moment he retires to bed for the night
I left the pagan community behind, simply because part of it just felt too much like dress up.
Everyone claimed to be spiritual, and enlightened, yet many of them were just as judgemental and fundamentalist-ish as the Christians we assumed we were so much better than.
I came across the EG, but realized there was nothing close to me. I LOVE the website and refer to it constantly, and I love +Hoeller’s books. I found Fr.Jordan (LOVE his book as well) through googling Gnostic and British Columbia, and got in touch with him… then he and Fr.Stu of the closest Gnostic church (about 5 hours away) made me a member by proxy of their Parish in Victoria. I am working towards hopefully entering the Priesthood of the AJC, and maybe (even) one day getting a Gnostic church out this way (would be a dream come true). Until then I do love all of you, my brothers and sisters at Spiral Inward.
I wanted to meet people in my community. I wanted to practice Grace, with those other than my family. And heck, my older three children, my 15 year old son in particular, drives me batty and I need a break sometimes.
Both the United Church and Anglican Church, even though I told them it is my goal to become a Gnostic Priest/ess one day, and that I am a self considered Gnostic with a site to unite Brothers and Sisters in Gnosis, they told me that if I could accept them, they most certainly could accept me.
I dont need a church to cultivate my spirituality.
My heart is in Gnosticism.
I use some of the Liturgy from EG, I have an altar my husband and I have been working on in our garage. I recite the Liturgy every Sunday, on my own, with candles and incense in my cleared out garage. I have flowers there and other things to help with putting me in the headspace. I do my meditations there, my Hermetic excercises….
I just wanted a physical building outside my home to go to once a week… to sing with others… to smile at others and help spread love amongst the strangers in my neighbourhood
I am able to interpret the sermon in a Gnostic flavour in my mind for the most part I think.”
So anyhow, thats just a bit as to where my mind is at.
I was very glad to read the address from H.Em The Most Rev. Shaun McCann, Ep.Gn. made at the AGC Conventicle. It can be read here

. Such a wonderful sense of community, of great things that can come to be if we all work together. It warmed my heart.
Well, off I go for now… two little boys need some lunch.
Love to you all!

I have been writing little poem-type thingies of late, and anything that isn’t horribly embarrassing will find it’s way here. And of course, if you’re a member of the Gnostic Cafe Forum, and you think you’d like to contribute to this blog here, whether it be an article of sorts, creative writing etc, just PM me at the forum.

I am trying to limit my online time a bit. I have a problem with information addiction. I read one page, and that has a link for another page, and THAT looks interesting, so I follow that…. so on and so forth. It starts out innocently enough – checking email, checking the forum- and then before I know it, I’ve skipped merrily along the information highway for far too much of a portion of the day.

So, Wednesdays and Sundays are limited to ONLY email. Well… I’ll try my best anyhow.

Sonojoy, from the forums said something once about each hour you spend on the computer takes two hours of reading time away… or something like that. I guess I could be a bit more professional and double check, but I’m tired and its a bit late. Point is, that I want to start spending more time reading books, and I want to use the time that I spend on the computer to further my academic studies (ok, who am I kidding… to START some academic studies). I want to reacquaint myself with paper and bindings. I want to learn, and apply this knowledge to hopefully finding a place amongst Clergy one day. It warms my heart just to think of it. So I am making the sincerest of efforts to spend what time is not consumed by defiant teenagers and mischevious toddlers with furthering myself along the path to Gnosis.

I deleted my old facebook account and made one only for staying in touch with select people. Those whom I do not have the luxury of being able to communicate with face to face, but who unlike the hundred+ people that I went to school with but was never really friends with , are those whom I REALLY want to be in contact with. I sure hope that doesn’t sound snobbish. But truly, have you ever tried to delete a ‘friend’ from a list? Only to have that person see you on someone else’s list… then the ‘Oh! What happened, I thought I was on your friend’s list!’ message comes in….. Starting over was easier.

I want to use the internet for the great tool it is able to be, without being caught up in the unnecessary distractions. (and if I ever TRULY learn which is which, then it will probably be even more effective….I mean, I’m SURE that one day all the time I spend online reading about how to raise goats will come in handy)

Seriously though… I am feeling really blessed these days. For the first time in my life, I really feel like I am never alone. I feel like I am truly building a relationship with God. Through the Logos, through Sophia, and through the stillness. Sometimes I still feel a bit blind, stumbling about…. but it no longer frightens me.

Slightly off topic, but something nice – I had been corresponding via email with the Reverend of a local Anglican church. It’s a nice church, and although I thoroughly enjoy the time I spend in my prayer space that we are building in the garage, I had been thinking about what it would be like to be in church again. (there are no Gnostic churches near me. Not yet anyhow )

I wanted to attend this church, but I had the need to contact the Reverend, tell him what I was about, and ask him if I could find a place there to spend some of my Sundays. After a few casual emails, I told him I am a Gnostic, I told him that it is my most sincere wish to become ordained into the Gnostic Priesthood one day. He replied very kindly, stating something along the lines that he was quite sure that with all the diversity God created with the people, that everyone was bound to have their own connection with Him. What was true for one, would not be for another , and did it really matter? Most often in life, people do not actually agree with us, and that rather than it be a problem, it should be looked at as a unique flavour that can be brought to the table. Well, I thought that was quite nice. Of course, I haven’t actually gone yet. But I will be going this Sunday.

Well, that’s enough for this evening. It wasn’t a super interesting post, but I’m happy I shared it nonetheless.

Blessings to all my Brothers and Sisters in Gnosis. May you feel loved and valued, because you are worthy of the greatest Love, and you are Valuable beyond words.

~Amen~

Sr.Elena

“Still the first and only ever weekly radio show on Gnosticism, Ancient Religion and the Occult. An approachable, comprehensive, and affable discussion about the impact of the world’s favorite yet least known Heretics, The Gnostics, and their Brethren in the Esoterica”

These past few weeks have been busy at Spiral Inward’s Cafe. Our site was down for a frighteningly long time, just about the same time that we received many new members. I am sad to say that The Palm Tree Garden Forum has closed down, and although we are thrilled to have so many new people at the Cafe with us, we are sad to see it go. The Palm Tree Garden housed a wealth of information. Best wishes to everyone involved with the PTG who made  it the fantastic board that it was.

I also want to share the link to the site of a fantastic artisan, Sonojoy. (well, that’s how we know him on the board anyhow ) This is his personal jewelry site, and this is his Etsy shop.

He does some of the most fantastic work I’ve seen.If you are a member of our Forum, you may have already seen some of this beautiful creations.

Anyhow, that’s just a  bit of a site update.

Love to you all,

Sr.Elena

This was one of the first passages I came across when I first began reading the Nag Hammadi and it was the first to really get me thinking about things, or should I say RE-thinking the things I thought I knew.

T. S. Eliot

Anyhow, that’s neither here nor there.

I was talking to my hubby, Akashik yesterday, about spiritual growth.

He has been interested lately in Kriya Yoga, in addition to his ongoing interest in Shamanism.

I was saying how his perception of life, his outlook , brings him to his understanding. And likewise for me.

He likes a solitary, non-structured, but esoteric/shamanic style, and I am a sucker for ritual. I love it.

Then we go on to talk about our spiritual journeys since we left the ‘big city’. We are both second degree Gardnerians, with a small coven. He and I in roles of Priest/Priestess. But it has been much neglected lately.

In many ways, we both found that we feel like we have gone as far as possible along that path, and both of us now have branched out elsewhere, while still keeping core teachings intact. Since our big move, we have both withdrawn a lot from society and have begun a new journey, much more solitary than before.

One thing I noticed… whenever I have a spiritual ‘enlightenment’, it is followed shortly after (I’m talking next day) crashing. I will have ideas, direction, and a sudden knowledge that where I am headed is the right place , and then, I am suddenly battered with issues. Shadows.

Almost like… as soon as my Divine Spark begins to shine, the shadows exposed stir and thwart, or TRY to thwart me, in my efforts. Depression, addiction, anger etc… they all seem to flare.

This happened the first time most notably when I read A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle. It was the first time I realized the universal nature of the Divine. It was the first time I looked at the need to classify myself as a strict Pagan/Witch. I had a period of time when I realized fully that who I was was NOT what I thought. That what I thought I was, that who I thought I am, was purely ego. Alot more to it, but that’s not the point.

I felt enlightened. I felt that I was seeing another version of the world, of existence, through a veil. Every once in a while that veil would flicker, and when it would, I felt these words of wisdom pouring out of me, not just verbally, to all who knew me (sorry guys, I know I was irritating during that period) but into everything I did. Then….

Blam. Depression. Anger. Sadness… memories, issues… you name it. Everything came at me at the same time and assaulted me. It felt like I had stirred up some part of me that did NOT want to give up it’s seat.

Now, almost two years later, I feel the same.

I find myself climbing onto a new level of this path. I feel happy, and I feel secure. Although I feel alone, I feel found. I have  a sense of all  being ok.

Then, once again, those shadows have been brought to light.

As my Divine Flame has brightened, those hidden things have become disturbed.

When we live in darkness, there are no shadows. Everything is dark.

When we live in the blinding light of the Divine, there are no shadows. Everything is lightened. Shadows can not exist.

But when we are in that transitional state from Dark to Light… boy oh boy… there are a lot of shadows to be found.

So, I’m trying to make my light brighter, to banish those shadows, even though it is so tempting to just slink back into the darkness.

In Light & Love

So many people know so much more than I do. For the most part, I enjoy just going to the forums, reading other people’s thoughts and opinions and then doing some background reading on where the ideas/opinions came from.

Lately there has been quite a bit of discussion as to what Gnosticism actually is. Perhaps we should come up with some sort of consensus for the board and post it. This could be a good thing, or a bad thing.

When I started along this path, not really knowing what it was, I had many questions. And I felt stupid asking them, because they seemed so simple. So instead, I just read forums, and sites and tried to gather what I could from it all. I realize now that it is a very personal journey. But I hope people can come to our forums and get a bit of an idea. Maybe a certain path will appeal to one , more than another. That  is fine. The whole point is in getting information out there, and creating an environment where people don’t feel stupid in asking.

I came here from a pagan perspective, and in many ways it was lonely.

No deity to call my name, no exoteric individual to hold my hand…. it is all coming from within. From within me. If I hear my name being called, it is my own divine self, helping to guide me home.

And this brings up other issues. My Canadian Pagan message board. Do I still consider myself pagan? Not in the sense of one who follows god/desses. I still honour nature as a natural , non man-made experience. A connection to the Divine within that is not altered by ego. But it is not Paganism… so what is it exactly? I try to find the words to explain to those whom I brought with me into my Pagan sphere. But I do not really know the words.

All I know is what I feel in my heart.

My love for the Divine. My need to realize the Christos/Jesus. And my need to listen to the Hagia Sophia.