With special guest Andrew Phillip Smith
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I have been having a lot of trouble lately, a lot of spiritual upheaval. Actually it feels as though since the moment I stumbled across this thing called Gnosticism I have found myself going through odd spiritual processes.
I was Wiccan, as I have mentioned way back when, and have found myself going back and forth between various progressive and mystical forms of Christianity and Judaism and back to Paganism.
Two things always hold true for me however: I recognize divinity through nature more so than anything else. It’s the ‘door’ so to speak that God comes through to me. Christ manifested in the Flesh = God manifest in Nature . The flesh is not perfect, yet Christ came to dwell within it as Jesus. Nature is not perfect but God dwells within it as Spirit.
I also realized that even when following my ‘pagan’ path, there was a level of emptiness in it. I guess I’m a sacred text kinda gal. I found myself always drawn to Psalms, and Thunder, and Gospel of Thomas, and Gospel of Philip etc…..
So I sort of found that I don’t fit properly into a box.
Too Jewish and Pagan to be Christian. Too Christian to be Pagan . Too Christian to be Jewish.
I do see a lot of world-hating within Gnostic texts, except for Thomas, my favourite, which isn’t even technically a Gnostic text. In things like the Papyrus of Ani and Psalms 104 I feel a strong connection to the imagery used. I don’t see the Old Testament God as being a demiurge.. I see the Old Testament as a collection of writings and stories told over many years by many different people, that describe human situations at that time, in allegory and lesson.
So, with those above qualifiers, I don’t see myself as a Gnostic. However, searching for Gnosis, looking within Sacred Writings from different civilizations and cultures, grasping that concept of Christ or the Word manifest, struggling with my own shadows and trying to find a contemporary way to express these Inner Knowing thought streams… to ME at least, qualifies me as a ‘Little g gnostic’ because it is only the era I was born in that prompts me to find Gnosis in the manner I am.
If I were born in a different period, back in the time of the ‘Gnostic’ groups, I would be using different materials, and questioning them in different ways, but ultimately with the same goal, with the same intention in heart – to Know God and to therfeore Know Myself.
Well, Spiral Inward forums are having some issues, so the version is being upgraded (thank you Smithers! from Quacktacular)
Though the timing was good. Lately I have felt discouraged looking at the way some of these conversations seem to go.
I just don’t get it.
Labels, definitions etc. Who were the Gnostics? Who ARE the Gnostics? Gnosticism and New-Agers, Dualism… I mean heck, they are good topics but it’s easy to see how deeply people cling to their false self. Ideas are challenged and egos panic.
What about the core sense of WHAT WE ARE?
Seeking Gnosis. Seeking deep inner knowing of God.
We are all so very different, is it not likely that we are all going to have our own relationship with God? Our own knowing?
Why does person A care so much what person B thinks? I mean, concern, interest, sure. But these battles are not based on those two things.
They are based on a need to be RIGHT.
They are based on a need to show someone else as being uninformed and stupid.
I sit here often and think about whether or not to keep the board up and running.
However I know that for all the Big Personalities on the board, there are numerous other little voices that are just Seekers. Like me.
And this board is for them.
It’s been awhile! I get so accustomed to posting all my personal stuff on my personal blog, that I often forget about this blog. I never forget about the message board, I check in a few times/day, but I often forget that there is an actual blog here.
I have decided to take a walk down the Thomasine path. I feel that it is the path that will best take me where it is I want to go.
I attend an Anglican church on Sundays, and I am active in the parish. I really felt the need to do something quite different for my own personal spirituality.
I often sit and think about what it would have been like.
Sitting in the sun, with my feet in the hot sand.
Sharing company with others, excited about a new view. A new truth.
Listening to the words of Jesus.
I don’t have the desire right now to contemplate all the many different myths of creation . Nor am I at a point where I want to pick apart the gospels and narratives.
I am finding much comfort right now in the same place where I started.
The Gospel of Thomas.
Everything we have is something written by someone, at a certain period of time, with a certain understanding. Right now I’m not at a place where I want to go through all the heaps of literature.
Bit by bit, day by day.
I have a love for Christ. My lover.My Saviour.
And a love for Jesus. My Teacher. My Sage.
“Christ has no body now, but yours.
No hands, no feet on earth, but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which
Christ looks compassion into the world.
Yours are the feet
with which Christ walks to do good.
Yours are the hands
with which Christ blesses the world.”
St.Teresa of Avila
That’s where I am right now.
And I am in love.
(p.s. Big thanks to Fr.Jay from the Universal Church of Autogenes for agreeing to help me along this new direction of my journey)
Mater Amabilis, in garments of splendour
Drenched in the beauty that is the Light
Who as Sophia spread the seeds of the Divine Spark
That we may never be forced to dwell in darkness…
We need only to seek the Light
And to open our hearts.
Blessed is the Logos
Who was there in the beginning
His loving embrace would
Guide our Mother home.
May we open ourselves to his Truth ,
Illuminated by the Stars of the Sea of Remembrance
That all will be revealed.
In the beginning I was in the center of the One who loved me.
Then my birth brought me into a world of wonder.
As a child, I loved to play.
So, as many good children do… I pushed limits and wanted to do things my own way. I did not want to come in when I was called.
I played, I got dirty.
I got lost .
I travelled aimlessly. Time passed, and I was frightened.
I thought I could hear my name being called… but it was faint and I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. So I wandered about. Places would look familiar and then I would realize that rather than a familiarity because I was going in the right direction, the sameness was because I was going in circles.
After some time, I found comfort in my circling. I even bedded down and called it home. I was tired of looking for my way back, and in all honesty… by that time, I was beginning to forget what home was.
I adjusted . I ate. I slept, I even met with others . Life went on. Eventually I was oblivious to my origin.
Then, one day, when the trees danced, I heard the call. It was beautiful. I immediately remembered that I was meant to be somewhere. Someone loved me. I was lost.
The voice carried in the wind. Guiding me.
Into open arms I ran. My heart full and my being wrapped in perfect happiness.
I am so glad that I heard the call to return home.
God is Love
Pleasure we gain from riches and monetary gain is not love. It is a false love. False Love=False God.
God is Love.
When we love one another, we magnify this.
When we magnify this, it strengthens the universal love. It builds it up. Like an energy source.
When we build up this energy source there is more love in this world. More God in this world.
Prayer, song, dance – all of these serve as ways to directly send energy to the Divine.
This in turn makes us stronger as well because the Divine resides within us.
Reliving the myths through images and sacraments are a way of uniting our spiritual self with our physical self.
We are all connected Thru and BY the Divine.
I went for a walk today.
It was not an adventure perhaps today, but it was an experience.
I was walking with the boys in their double stroller, and the sky was,not particularly sunny today… the breeze was blowing the trees, the temperature was just perfect.
I was overwhelmed with the beauty of it all, and then, as I walked under a horse chestnut tree, full in bloom, the wind blew the leaves and they made that sound… the sound that trees make when they dance in the wind. In that moment, I felt like God was speaking to me. In a voice that was not a voice.
Things suddenly were different. More clear. Like when you finally break down and lift that protective film off of your cellphone and you see how bright and clear the screen is. A veil had flickered and I saw the beauty that is God. Right there. Real.
The rest of the walk was somewhat surreal.
Off and on , here and there throughout my life I’ve had those feelings. It was an experience like that once, when watching the sun sink behind the mountains, trailing shadows behind, that made me realize it was time to reconnect with the Divine, because the Divine was manifesting itself to me.
I love God. So very much.
upon further reflection this evening… I think what I saw, and what I have seen, is that Spark. It was a tiny small part of God that was nonetheless SO amazing that for that moment, and off and on since then this day, I have had a feeling of … I’m not sure. Almost like feeling as though I am in a movie. Not the whole time, but just little flashes here and there.