From the Gospel of Thomas

Jesus said, “If those who lead you say to you, ‘See, the kingdom is in the sky,’ then the birds of the sky will precede you. If they say to you, ‘It is in the sea,’ then the fish will precede you. Rather, the kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you. When you come to know yourselves, then you will become known, and you will realize that it is you who are the sons of the living father. But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty.”

This was one of the first passages I came across when I first began reading the Nag Hammadi and it was the first to really get me thinking about things, or should I say RE-thinking the things I thought I knew.

A Quote

Half the harm that is done in this world
Is due to people who want to feel important
They don’t mean to do harm ­
But the harm does not interest them.
Or they do not see it, or they justify it
Because they are absorbed in the endless struggle
To think well of themselves.

T. S. Eliot

Shadows

I’m sitting here, in the summer heat, enjoying a beer while the little ones nap. Pure bliss.

Anyhow, that’s neither here nor there.

I was talking to my hubby, Akashik yesterday, about spiritual growth.

He has been interested lately in Kriya Yoga, in addition to his ongoing interest in Shamanism.

I was saying how his perception of life, his outlook , brings him to his understanding. And likewise for me.

He likes a solitary, non-structured, but esoteric/shamanic style, and I am a sucker for ritual. I love it.

Then we go on to talk about our spiritual journeys since we left the ‘big city’. We are both second degree Gardnerians, with a small coven. He and I in roles of Priest/Priestess. But it has been much neglected lately.

In many ways, we both found that we feel like we have gone as far as possible along that path, and both of us now have branched out elsewhere, while still keeping core teachings intact. Since our big move, we have both withdrawn a lot from society and have begun a new journey, much more solitary than before.

One thing I noticed… whenever I have a spiritual ‘enlightenment’, it is followed shortly after (I’m talking next day) crashing. I will have ideas, direction, and a sudden knowledge that where I am headed is the right place , and then, I am suddenly battered with issues. Shadows.

Almost like… as soon as my Divine Spark begins to shine, the shadows exposed stir and thwart, or TRY to thwart me, in my efforts. Depression, addiction, anger etc… they all seem to flare.

This happened the first time most notably when I read A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle. It was the first time I realized the universal nature of the Divine. It was the first time I looked at the need to classify myself as a strict Pagan/Witch. I had a period of time when I realized fully that who I was was NOT what I thought. That what I thought I was, that who I thought I am, was purely ego. Alot more to it, but that’s not the point.

I felt enlightened. I felt that I was seeing another version of the world, of existence, through a veil. Every once in a while that veil would flicker, and when it would, I felt these words of wisdom pouring out of me, not just verbally, to all who knew me (sorry guys, I know I was irritating during that period) but into everything I did. Then….

Blam. Depression. Anger. Sadness… memories, issues… you name it. Everything came at me at the same time and assaulted me. It felt like I had stirred up some part of me that did NOT want to give up it’s seat.

Now, almost two years later, I feel the same.

I find myself climbing onto a new level of this path. I feel happy, and I feel secure. Although I feel alone, I feel found. I have  a sense of all  being ok.

Then, once again, those shadows have been brought to light.

As my Divine Flame has brightened, those hidden things have become disturbed.

When we live in darkness, there are no shadows. Everything is dark.

When we live in the blinding light of the Divine, there are no shadows. Everything is lightened. Shadows can not exist.

But when we are in that transitional state from Dark to Light… boy oh boy… there are a lot of shadows to be found.

So, I’m trying to make my light brighter, to banish those shadows, even though it is so tempting to just slink back into the darkness.

In Light & Love

It’s been awhile…

since I’ve updated the blog. I guess the biggest reason is that I feel like I have nothing intelligent to say.

So many people know so much more than I do. For the most part, I enjoy just going to the forums, reading other people’s thoughts and opinions and then doing some background reading on where the ideas/opinions came from.

Lately there has been quite a bit of discussion as to what Gnosticism actually is. Perhaps we should come up with some sort of consensus for the board and post it. This could be a good thing, or a bad thing.

When I started along this path, not really knowing what it was, I had many questions. And I felt stupid asking them, because they seemed so simple. So instead, I just read forums, and sites and tried to gather what I could from it all. I realize now that it is a very personal journey. But I hope people can come to our forums and get a bit of an idea. Maybe a certain path will appeal to one , more than another. That  is fine. The whole point is in getting information out there, and creating an environment where people don’t feel stupid in asking.

I came here from a pagan perspective, and in many ways it was lonely.

No deity to call my name, no exoteric individual to hold my hand…. it is all coming from within. From within me. If I hear my name being called, it is my own divine self, helping to guide me home.

And this brings up other issues. My Canadian Pagan message board. Do I still consider myself pagan? Not in the sense of one who follows god/desses. I still honour nature as a natural , non man-made experience. A connection to the Divine within that is not altered by ego. But it is not Paganism… so what is it exactly? I try to find the words to explain to those whom I brought with me into my Pagan sphere. But I do not really know the words.

All I know is what I feel in my heart.

My love for the Divine. My need to realize the Christos/Jesus. And my need to listen to the Hagia Sophia.

A New Twist on an Old Prayer

O creative Breath,
ebbing and flowing through all forms,

Free us from all constrictions,
so that the current of thy life
may move in us without hindrance.

Empower us with thy creativity,
and clothe us with royal dignity,

So that, fully at one with the vortex of thy desire,
sacred actions pour forth from us
with each breath we release.

Renew in us this day
our lifebreath, vigour, and passion,

And untie the tangled threads of destiny which bind us,
as we release others from the entanglement of past mistakes.

Do not let us lose ourselves in distraction,
but by the way of the breath,
lead us into mindfulness.

For from thy depths pour forth
the Way, the Life, and the Splendour,
from age to age, it is so. Ameyn.

As rendered by Mark Hathaway (www.visioncraft.org) based on the work of
Neil Douglas-Klotz (www.abwoon.com – Prayers of the Cosmos, Harper & Row,
1990). May be reproduced in whole or in part if this citation is included.

So far so good

I am so happy that the forums are going well. Sister Heather has been a great help by inviting people, and helping with content. It will be nice to get to know all the members.

I had a dream last night, somehow amidst waking to my 6 month old son, off and on all night.

I dreamt I had a planter.The long rectangular type one uses along a patio railing. It was sitting on my patio and it was full of worms. I didn’t want to touch them, but I knew they would be good for the garden. I asked my Gardening Guru friend Shannon if she could relocate them to the soil in the garden. She said she would, but she was busy at the moment.

So I went to have a closer look and I realized that it was actually a mother snake, and the worms were baby snakes, but they looked like worms. She was quite pretty, but was faded, as she had been hidden from the light, buried in the small planter box instead of out in the garden.

The phrase “when I was a worm…” kept coming to me in the dream. (taken, I think, from a Marilyn Manson song)

It was an odd dream.

Snakes represent wisdom. What I thought were just little lowly worms were actually in the process of becoming snakes. And the mother snake was caring for them all… which in the real world, mother snakes lay eggs and away they go. Not looking back.

Because she was caring for them all, awaiting for them to turn into snakes too, she was faded and hidden. Then out she came.

Another part of the dream was that I picked her up and held her. She turned into a cat for some reason, and when I took her out to the sun, she got frightened and turned back into a snake and slithered away.  Hmmm… a bit of a random dream, but I thought I would post it anyhow.

The Feast of Mary Magdalene is approaching. I have never celebrated it. When I have stated I am new to this path, I was not kidding. I know of no one that will be celebrating it near by and am wondering what I can do on my own, well, I will not be on my own entirely. I will be here with five children aged 6 months -20 years old. So it also will not be very possible for me to create a sacred space. If anyone reads this and has any ideas, feel free to post them!

Well, I have a toddler that is refusing to nap, so I best be going.

In Love & Light,

Sr.Elena