I’m sitting here, in the summer heat, enjoying a beer while the little ones nap. Pure bliss.
Anyhow, that’s neither here nor there.
I was talking to my hubby, Akashik yesterday, about spiritual growth.
He has been interested lately in Kriya Yoga, in addition to his ongoing interest in Shamanism.
I was saying how his perception of life, his outlook , brings him to his understanding. And likewise for me.
He likes a solitary, non-structured, but esoteric/shamanic style, and I am a sucker for ritual. I love it.
Then we go on to talk about our spiritual journeys since we left the ‘big city’. We are both second degree Gardnerians, with a small coven. He and I in roles of Priest/Priestess. But it has been much neglected lately.
In many ways, we both found that we feel like we have gone as far as possible along that path, and both of us now have branched out elsewhere, while still keeping core teachings intact. Since our big move, we have both withdrawn a lot from society and have begun a new journey, much more solitary than before.
One thing I noticed… whenever I have a spiritual ‘enlightenment’, it is followed shortly after (I’m talking next day) crashing. I will have ideas, direction, and a sudden knowledge that where I am headed is the right place , and then, I am suddenly battered with issues. Shadows.
Almost like… as soon as my Divine Spark begins to shine, the shadows exposed stir and thwart, or TRY to thwart me, in my efforts. Depression, addiction, anger etc… they all seem to flare.
This happened the first time most notably when I read A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle. It was the first time I realized the universal nature of the Divine. It was the first time I looked at the need to classify myself as a strict Pagan/Witch. I had a period of time when I realized fully that who I was was NOT what I thought. That what I thought I was, that who I thought I am, was purely ego. Alot more to it, but that’s not the point.
I felt enlightened. I felt that I was seeing another version of the world, of existence, through a veil. Every once in a while that veil would flicker, and when it would, I felt these words of wisdom pouring out of me, not just verbally, to all who knew me (sorry guys, I know I was irritating during that period) but into everything I did. Then….
Blam. Depression. Anger. Sadness… memories, issues… you name it. Everything came at me at the same time and assaulted me. It felt like I had stirred up some part of me that did NOT want to give up it’s seat.
Now, almost two years later, I feel the same.
I find myself climbing onto a new level of this path. I feel happy, and I feel secure. Although I feel alone, I feel found. I have a sense of all being ok.
Then, once again, those shadows have been brought to light.
As my Divine Flame has brightened, those hidden things have become disturbed.
When we live in darkness, there are no shadows. Everything is dark.
When we live in the blinding light of the Divine, there are no shadows. Everything is lightened. Shadows can not exist.
But when we are in that transitional state from Dark to Light… boy oh boy… there are a lot of shadows to be found.
So, I’m trying to make my light brighter, to banish those shadows, even though it is so tempting to just slink back into the darkness.
In Light & Love