I have been having a lot of trouble lately, a lot of spiritual upheaval. Actually it feels as though since the moment I stumbled across this thing called Gnosticism I have found myself going through odd spiritual processes.
I was Wiccan, as I have mentioned way back when, and have found myself going back and forth between various progressive and mystical forms of Christianity and Judaism and back to Paganism.
Two things always hold true for me however: I recognize divinity through nature more so than anything else. It’s the ‘door’ so to speak that God comes through to me. Christ manifested in the Flesh = God manifest in Nature . The flesh is not perfect, yet Christ came to dwell within it as Jesus. Nature is not perfect but God dwells within it as Spirit.
I also realized that even when following my ‘pagan’ path, there was a level of emptiness in it. I guess I’m a sacred text kinda gal. I found myself always drawn to Psalms, and Thunder, and Gospel of Thomas, and Gospel of Philip etc…..
So I sort of found that I don’t fit properly into a box.
Too Jewish and Pagan to be Christian. Too Christian to be Pagan . Too Christian to be Jewish.
I do see a lot of world-hating within Gnostic texts, except for Thomas, my favourite, which isn’t even technically a Gnostic text. In things like the Papyrus of Ani and Psalms 104 I feel a strong connection to the imagery used. I don’t see the Old Testament God as being a demiurge.. I see the Old Testament as a collection of writings and stories told over many years by many different people, that describe human situations at that time, in allegory and lesson.
So, with those above qualifiers, I don’t see myself as a Gnostic. However, searching for Gnosis, looking within Sacred Writings from different civilizations and cultures, grasping that concept of Christ or the Word manifest, struggling with my own shadows and trying to find a contemporary way to express these Inner Knowing thought streams… to ME at least, qualifies me as a ‘Little g gnostic’ because it is only the era I was born in that prompts me to find Gnosis in the manner I am.
If I were born in a different period, back in the time of the ‘Gnostic’ groups, I would be using different materials, and questioning them in different ways, but ultimately with the same goal, with the same intention in heart – to Know God and to therfeore Know Myself.