Shadows
I’m sitting here, in the summer heat, enjoying a beer while the little ones nap. Pure bliss.
Anyhow, that’s neither here nor there.
I was talking to my hubby, Akashik yesterday, about spiritual growth.
He has been interested lately in Kriya Yoga, in addition to his ongoing interest in Shamanism.
I was saying how his perception of life, his outlook , brings him to his understanding. And likewise for me.
He likes a solitary, non-structured, but esoteric/shamanic style, and I am a sucker for ritual. I love it.
Then we go on to talk about our spiritual journeys since we left the ‘big city’. We are both second degree Gardnerians, with a small coven. He and I in roles of Priest/Priestess. But it has been much neglected lately.
In many ways, we both found that we feel like we have gone as far as possible along that path, and both of us now have branched out elsewhere, while still keeping core teachings intact. Since our big move, we have both withdrawn a lot from society and have begun a new journey, much more solitary than before.
One thing I noticed… whenever I have a spiritual ‘enlightenment’, it is followed shortly after (I’m talking next day) crashing. I will have ideas, direction, and a sudden knowledge that where I am headed is the right place , and then, I am suddenly battered with issues. Shadows.
Almost like… as soon as my Divine Spark begins to shine, the shadows exposed stir and thwart, or TRY to thwart me, in my efforts. Depression, addiction, anger etc… they all seem to flare.
This happened the first time most notably when I read A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle. It was the first time I realized the universal nature of the Divine. It was the first time I looked at the need to classify myself as a strict Pagan/Witch. I had a period of time when I realized fully that who I was was NOT what I thought. That what I thought I was, that who I thought I am, was purely ego. Alot more to it, but that’s not the point.
I felt enlightened. I felt that I was seeing another version of the world, of existence, through a veil. Every once in a while that veil would flicker, and when it would, I felt these words of wisdom pouring out of me, not just verbally, to all who knew me (sorry guys, I know I was irritating during that period) but into everything I did. Then….
Blam. Depression. Anger. Sadness… memories, issues… you name it. Everything came at me at the same time and assaulted me. It felt like I had stirred up some part of me that did NOT want to give up it’s seat.
Now, almost two years later, I feel the same.
I find myself climbing onto a new level of this path. I feel happy, and I feel secure. Although I feel alone, I feel found. I have a sense of all being ok.
Then, once again, those shadows have been brought to light.
As my Divine Flame has brightened, those hidden things have become disturbed.
When we live in darkness, there are no shadows. Everything is dark.
When we live in the blinding light of the Divine, there are no shadows. Everything is lightened. Shadows can not exist.
But when we are in that transitional state from Dark to Light… boy oh boy… there are a lot of shadows to be found.
So, I’m trying to make my light brighter, to banish those shadows, even though it is so tempting to just slink back into the darkness.
In Light & Love
Posted on August 20th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
i’m not very good at paraphrasing and what not, and i know this will be sadly butchered, but something about when the unconscious mind attempts to do something (grow, program new paths CHANGE), the ego portion puts up a helluva fight. perhaps, as your ego has know you so well for a very long time, uses what has always been a weakness? in sensing you are about to take another leap away from it, it tries to bring you crashing back into it by bringing these memories, feelings, etc to the forefront? there’s no reason such things should suddenly appear. it’s like a subliminal booby trap…
Posted on September 9th, 2009 at 5:49 am
The Zohar and later texts (and probably the Talmud and earlier texts) talk about the Yetzer ah Ra, the Evil Inclination which comes from the place of divine corruption (strange idea, I know). The YaR is an interesting beast. Its like Jung’s “Shadow,” but meaner and semi-sentient and independent of us even while its connected to us. Its the little devil that sits on your shoulder and whispers bad thoughts into your head, usually with a lot louder whisper than the little angel that sits on your other shoulder shaking its head.
The think about the YaR is that its absolutely necessary. There is a story where Rabbi, Akiva probably, or one of his students, captures the YaR. Its wonderful for awhile. There is no death (the YaR becomes associated with the angel of death and haSatan), no crime, no despair, etc. etc. Then someone notices that there is also no art and no love and no babies or any other kind of creativity. That this comes either directly from the YaR or from the tension between the YaR and the Yetzer haTov, the Good Inclination (which you may think as your Higher Self, if you’d like).
Or, the Dark Night of the Soul is necessary if you want to see the Rising Sun (Son?).
Posted on January 4th, 2010 at 10:14 am
I wanted to let you know that this blog post is of great comfort and inspiration to me personally. I have been in the grips of the shadows (archons?) so many times, most especially after a great illumination of Gnosis. To know that this is something which occurs in others helps sustain me on my path.
Thank you so much.
Posted on January 4th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Fragment, I’m glad you could take comfort in my post. Also it makes me feel better to know that others endure the same. Of course, I am not glad that others suffer also, but just that I am not alone in my journey
Posted on February 5th, 2010 at 12:38 am
As above, so below.
If heavens (Like demiurge) remain imperfect, then so does Earth.
And such, our connection to ourselves is thwarted by this dichotomy.
A man once told me that when you empty your bottle (Of negativity), another bottle catches it and the energy has to go somewhere. In correspondence, when we become more pure so our shadow will be stronger on the other side. I have not yet found any sound solution to this but I am guided to reason, humility and modesty in my discoveries so as to keep myself balanced – thus maintaining the consciousness so it does not do the proverbial sea-saw.
I enjoy reading your blog
Much Love and Light